Major Jokes / Recent Jokes
A bright young psychology major was to help the professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly.
The first person to enter the room started through the test. "How does this glass of water look to you?" the psychology major asks.
Person 1: "It is half empty."
The student checks' pessimist' on his chart.
Person 2 enters the room.
"How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 2: "It is half full."
The student checks' optimist' on his chart.
Person 3 enters the room.
"How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 3: "Looks like you have entirely too much glass there."
The researcher looks totally confused and must go consult with his professor.
"Oh them!" the professor says. "I forgot to warn more...
Q: What do you call a little girl in a brown dress who is running across a playground?
A: A brownian motion.
Q: Why do social workers refuse to sleep with economists?
A: They have learned its a sunk cost.
Q: Why do Economists provide estimates of inflation to the nearest tenth of a percent?
A: To prove they have a sense of humour.
Q: What does it take to be a good economist?
A: An unshakeable grasp of the obvious!
Q: What is a recent economics graduate's usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries sir?
Q: What's the difference between a finance major and an economics major?
A: Opportunity Cost
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. Just one, but it really gets screwed.
2. One to prepare the proposal, an econometrician to run the model, one each MS and PhD students to write the theses and dissertations, two more more...
I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.
A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded “When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision. ”
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the ass.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Deserves promotion: Create new title to make him feel appreciated.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors more...
My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went
dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the
command station.
When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding
officer then stepped forward and shook my father's hand. “Don't congratulate me, sir, ” my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver. “It was all the sergeant's doing. ”
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. “Congratulations, ” he said. “The major's wife just had a baby girl. ”
An Engineering Major says "How does it work?"
A Science Major says "Why does it work?"
An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?"
A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"