Management Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Phone Won't Stop Ringing? Here's What You Do Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. more...

Subject: Going Toastal -- a tale for the dilbert age

Day 1: My boss, an engineer from the pre-CAD days, has successfully brought a generation of products from Acme Toaster Corp's engineering labs to market. Bob is a wonder of mechanical ingenuity. All of us in the design department have the utmost respect for him, so I was honored when he appointed me the lead designer on the new Acme 2000 Toaster.

Day 6: We met with the president, head of sales, and the marketing vice president today to hammer out the project's requirements and specifications. Here at Acme, our market share is eroding to low-cost imports. We agreed to meet a cost of goods of $9.50 (100,000). I've identified the critical issue in the new design: a replacement for the timing spring we've used since the original 1922 model. Research with the focus groups shows that consumers set high expectations for their breakfast foods. Cafe latte from Starbuck's goes best with a precise level of toastal more...

The Indians and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
Afterward, the India team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding:
The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Indian team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Indian team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the Indian team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new more...

16. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up."

15. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

14. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

13. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.

12. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.

11. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing all those who oppose them.

10. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?"

9. We build great products when we feel like it and don't have any reason to call in sick.

8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.

7. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

6. The beatings will continue until morale more...

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated
3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French
4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications more...

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too more...

AN assistant working with a foreign concern applied tor a loan to buy a scooter as he had to travel more than thirty kilometres per day and change three buses to reach office. Management took a sympathetic view and sanctioned the loan tor purchase of scooter on the condition that it the assistant failed to pay the monthly instalments to clear the loan, the scooter purchased would be impounded by the company.
The assistant then applied for a loan to build a house. The management again sanctioned the amount required with the condition that it he failed to pay back the amount in monthly instalments, his property would be impounded by the company.
Now that the assistant had a scooter and a newly constructed house, he felt he could take a wife and applied for another loan for marriage expenses. It was granted with similar condition that it he failed to pay monthly instalments, the goods acquired by the loan would be impounded by the company.
The assistant acquired a wife. more...