Manny Jokes

When asked what were you thinking taking a banned substance, especially fertility drugs? Manny replied...I really don't care what you guys think as long as it's a boy!

Make me a Cohen, please
Manny approached the Rabbi of his Reform Synagogue and said "Rabbi, please make me a Cohen."
The Rabbi, taken aback, tells Manny that it is impossible.
Manny offers the Rabbi £10,000, but the Rabbi won’t budge. He offers £50,000…then £75,000. Finally, the Rabbi, reluctantly, gives in. He teaches Manny Torah. He teaches him Talmud. After 6 months of classes, the Rabbi tells Manny, "OK, now you can be a Cohen."
The next Shabbat, Manny is called up for the first aliya in the Torah reading. He goes up, with a big smile on his face, says the brachot and afterwards returns to his seat.
But the Rabbi is still troubled and a little curious. He approaches Manny the next day and asks him why it was so important to him to be a Cohen.
Manny answers, "Rabbi, my father was a Cohen; my grandfather was a Cohen. I wanted to be a Cohen too!"

Los Angeles Dodger Manny Ramirez was suspended 50 games for taking a women's fertility drug.Maybe he was trying to get an edge on hitting for the cycle.

The conversation
Manny goes into a restaurant and orders fried haddock. The waiter serves him a nice sized piece of fish. As he`s walking away the waiter overhears Manny talking to the fish. Soon Manny is deep in conversation with his lunch.
"What on earth are you doing?" says the waiter. “Do you want to eat it or marry it?” Manny replies, “We`re just schmoozing. It seems that the fish is from Herne Bay in Kent. I used to live there and I was asking the fish how things are back in my old home town.”
"What did he say?" asked the waiter.
"He said, “How should I know? I haven’t been there in years!”

Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten
married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for
the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone
who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I
bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I
keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just
like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like
your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom.
My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father more...