Mansion Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Pope dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter greets him and says, "Glad
to see you; we've got your place all ready." Peter then takes the
Pope down the street and shows him his new home: a small but
comfortable cottage of 5 rooms. Peter advises the Pope to settle in,
and then wander around meeting the other residents.
The Pope meets many old friends and makes several new ones over the
next few days. One of these is a former lawyer who invites the Pope
over for lunch. On arriving, the Pope is astounded to see a 45 room
mansion, with built-in sauna and weight-room, a beautiful library, and
spacious, airy rooms.
After lunch, the Pope spies St. Peter on the street and says, "Not to
complain, but I'm curious as to why I have a small cottage while the
lawyer I just met has a stupendous mansion."
St. Peter replied, "Well, you see, we have many Popes up here, but
only one lawyer."
Three men died in a car accident and met God in heaven.
"I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth you will enter heaven, but if you lie. .. hell is waiting for you," God told them.
To the first man God asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The first man replied, "I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."
God replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation."
To the second man God asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The second man replied, "I cheated on my wife twice."
God replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four-bedroom house and a BMW."
To the third man God asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your more...
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. Come with me, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. Wow, thank you, said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. Wait, I think you are a little mixed up, said the priest. Shouldnt I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached Gods word. Yes, thats true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.
When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house, a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court.
Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.
One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven`s many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.
"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"
"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I`ve been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces."
"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates.
"No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."
Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked more...
This one was in a recent Readers Digest.
Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down.
The only house around for miles was a large mansion. They knock on the
door and a beautiful widow answers the door. Since it is early evening and
the garage will not be opened until morning, she offers to let them spend
the night in the guest bedrooms. ZZZZZZZ
In the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About three months later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe
what he reads. He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her
bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I did."
"And did you use my name?"
"Why, yes how did you know?"
"Well, it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.
"My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!"
"My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!"
"My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock."
"Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday."
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.' Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.' Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.' Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest.' Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'' Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!'