Mansion Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie.
"As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes," said the genie, "But understand, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over."
The man's most hated enemy happened to be his next door neighbour, Jones. "Let's see. My first wish is..." He looked at his weather beaten bungalow, "...to live in a ten story luxury mansion."
The genie clapped his hands and suddenly his minute shack transformed into the most beautiful house he had ever laid eyes on. He heard a cry of astonishment from next door and looked over to see Jones standing in the doorway of his new twenty story mansion.
"Now I want fifty of the most more...

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie."As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes," said the genie, "But understand, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over."The man's most hated enemy happened to be his next door neighbour, Jones. "Let's see. My first wish is..." He looked at his weather beaten bungalow, "...to live in a ten story luxury mansion."The genie clapped his hands and suddenly his minute shack transformed into the most beautiful house he had ever laid eyes on. He heard a cry of astonishment from next door and looked over to see Jones standing in the doorway of his new twenty story mansion."Now I want fifty of the most beautiful women more...

After Coach Holmgren dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Mr. Holmgren a little two-room house with a faded Green Bay Packers banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says.
Coach Holmgren looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Denver flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Broncos banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God, but let me ask you a question. I get this little two-room house with a faded banner and Shanahan gets a huge mansion with Bronco banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"
God looks at Holmgren seriously for a moment. "That's not Shanahan 's house," God says "That's my house."

A White man is walking on a beach. He finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie pops out, "Look I've been in there for 300 years, I don't want to hear a damn thing right now, just think it and it'll happen." 2 seconds pass in silence *poof* They're both sitting in a mansion, 5 seconds of silence passes *poof* naked women all over the mansion 10 seconds pass and *poof* nothing happens but the genie disappears. 10 minutes later there is a knock at the door. It's mob of KKK and they grab the man and lynch him. Meanwhile the genie is speaking to God and tell's him, "They still want the same thing, Big Mansions and Naked Women - But this last wish I got was a little odd, He wanted to be hung like a black man."

After coach Osborne dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Mr. Osborne a little two-room house with a faded University of Nebraska banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Mr. Osborne looks at the house, then turns around
and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows.
Michigan flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Michigan banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-room house with a faded banner and Lloyd Carr gets a mansion with new Michigan banners and flags flying all over the place.
"Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment.
"That's not Carr's house," God says. "That's mine."

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward. The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari. The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped." The boy replied, "I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved." News, Politics
Three Bums "One day, three bums walked up to a mansion and knocked on the door. An old man came to the door and the bums asked if it would be all right for them to sleep in the mansion for the night.
The old man replied, "Yes, but under one condition."
"And what would that be?" asked one of the bums.
"As long as you sleep with my three daughters," said the old man. The bums more...

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one from Mississippi and the other from Texas, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Mississippian said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."The Texan lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"The lady from Mississippi continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."Again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."Yet again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"The Texas lady replied, "My husband sent me to charm school.""Charm school!" the first woman cried. more...