Mansion Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.' Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.' Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.' Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest.' Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'' Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

' Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.

' Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

' Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest.' Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

' Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, more...

A poor, old woman sat there on her rocking chair on her porch, reflecting back on her long life. She then spots something on the garden path.She hobbles over to it bends down and groans in pain from a sore back.She picks up the bottle and hobbles back to her rocking chair.She gives the bottle a rub and:
POOF!
A Genie apears and says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle of which I have been trapped for thousands of years! I grant you three wishes.
The Old Woman thought.There was so many things she could wish for! She says"For my first wish, I wish to be a young and beautiful woman again with my life ahead of me!"
The Genie puts a mirror infront of the Old Woman and claps his hands.Suddenly, she watches her body begin to change in the mirror.Her skin tightens and her wrinkles dissapear.Her old figure becomes a new curvy one.Her hair turns from grey to black and lenghthens so it is long.She suddenly feels as if her chest is about to burst out of the more...

After a long life, dutifully serving his parishioners, the elderly priest died. He found himself in Heaven, where he was warmly greeted by St. Peter. “Welcome, ” St. Peter said, “You have lived a good life. Let me take you to your quarters, and then I’ll show you around Heaven. ”
St. Peter took the man to a rather plain building, and escorted him to a small room. The room was humbly furnished, but was functional. The priest was a bit surprised, having expected Heaven to be a bit more extravagent, but he was happy to be there.
They then began their tour of Heaven, and it was absolutely beautiful. The priest felt silly for his initial resentment over his room.
Finally, they came upon an enormous mansion. A butler opened the door to the mansion and a man came out, dressed to the nines, and proceeded down a long walkway to the front gate, as servants rolled a red carpet before him. When he reached the gate, a chauffeured limousine pulled up, and the man got in. It more...

A man is walking down the beach when he comes upon a magic lamp. He rubs it and a genie pops out.
The man immediately demands his three wishes.
The genie first warns the man that whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law will get double. Figuring it wasnt all that bad the man thinks about his wishes.
First he wishes for a billion dollars. *Poof* A huge stack of money appears in front of the man. But his mother-in-law just got 2 billion dollars.
Second he wishes for a huge 50 room mansion with full staff to run it. *Poof* A huge mansion appears where his old house to be. (And parts of his neighbors houses too.) But his mother-in-law just recieve a 100 room house built on a beachfront property with double the staff to tend to the home.
Getting jealous of how his mother-in-law will brag about her riches and make his wishes look small he tries to think of a way to come out on top.
Finally the man says to the genie, "See that stick over there? Beat me half to more...

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.
St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.
Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack? ”
St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have more...