Manufacturer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Beers For Geeks
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the waste bin.
Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own more...

The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced
at the trade fair. “Listen to these features it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that's not all...”“Very impressive,” interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, “but before I place an order I'll have to try it out.”“Be my guest,” said the manufacturer graciously. No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth, “One at a time, please, one at a time!”

DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer
Once considered the world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beers. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. more...

ATTENTION: All citizens of Arkansas planning a trip to Washington, D. C. to visit Willy Jeff1. Before leaving for Washington, clean red mud from windshields and remove hog and chicken feed from pick-up bed. 2. Any cardboard box can be made to look like a suitcase if brown shoe polish is smoothly applied. Boxes must have tops, but no ropes. When a few miles out of Arkansas, remove overalls and brogans and putt them into your box. Change to Sunday suit, clean shirt and good shoes (wear socks). 3. Limit occupancy of your car or pickup to a reasonable number of riders. It looks country to overload a vehicle. 4. Those going on their tractors should leave three weeks early. Remember to drive on the right side of the road at all times, except when passing an older tractor or a buddy in a wagon. 5. En route always buy a full tank of gas. A dollar's worth at a time requires too many gas stops. 6. On arrival in Washington, immediately get settled in a tourist or boarding house. If they don't more...

ATTENTION:
All citizens of Arkansas planning a trip to Washington, D.C. to visit Willy Jeff
1. Before leaving for Washington, clean red mud from windshields and remove hog and chicken feed from pick-up bed.
2. Any cardboard box can be made to look like a suitcase if brown shoe polish is smoothly applied. Boxes must have tops, but no ropes. When a few miles out of Arkansas, remove overalls and brogans and putt them into your box. Change to Sunday suit, clean shirt and good shoes (wear socks).
3. Limit occupancy of your car or pickup to a reasonable number of riders. It looks country to overload a vehicle.
4. Those going on their tractors should leave three weeks early. Remember to drive on the right side of the road at all times, except when passing an older tractor or a buddy in a wagon.
5. En route always buy a full tank of gas. A dollar's worth at a time requires too many gas stops.
6. On arrival in Washington, immediately get settled in a tourist or more...

ATTENTION :All citizens of Arkansas planning a trip to Washington, D.C. to visit Willy Jeff1. Before leaving for Washington, clean red mud from windshields and remove hog and chicken feed from pick-up bed.2. Any cardboard box can be made to look like a suitcase if brown shoe polish is smoothly applied. Boxes must have tops, but no ropes. When a few miles out of Arkansas, remove overalls and brogans and putt them into your box. Change to Sunday suit, clean shirt and good shoes (wear socks).3. Limit occupancy of your car or pickup to a reasonable number of riders. It looks country to overload a vehicle.4. Those going on their tractors should leave three weeks early. Remember to drive on the right side of the road at all times, except when passing an older tractor or a buddy in a wagon.5. En route always buy a full tank of gas. A dollar's worth at a time requires too many gas stops.6. On arrival in Washington, immediately get settled in a tourist or boarding house. If they don't feed, more...