Marg Jokes

Marg and Sam invited a couple over for a evening of bridge.
"Sam," Marg said, "this is the last couple that will ever accept an invitation to come to our house. If you dare to do anything to offend them tonight, I will crucify you!"
After they played for a while, Marg went into the kitchen to get some refreshments. When she returned, she saw that Sam was sitting at the table by himself.
She put the tray down and said, "What did you do to run them off this time?"
"I didn't do anything," Sam replied. "We were just sitting here and a mouse ran across the floor. Sue looked at me and said that we can get rid of mice by shoving steel wool into their little holes. All I asked was, 'How do you hold their little feet?' They both got up and left."

Marg and Sam invited a couple over for a evening of bridge.
"Sam," Marg said, "this is the last couple that will ever accept an invitation to come to our house. If you dare to do anything to offend them tonight, I will crucify you!"
After they played for awhile, Marg went into the kitchen to get some refreshments. When she returned, she saw that Sam was sitting at the table by himself.
She put the tray down and said, "What did you do to run them off this time?"
"I didn't do anything," Sam replied. "We were just sitting here and a mouse ran across the floor. Sue looked at me and said that we can get rid of mice by shoving steel wool into their little holes. All I asked was, 'How do you hold their little feet?' They both got up and left."

Claire and Marg, two longtime friends, are having lunch when Claire says, "I hear you've been telling people that you think I'm ugly!"
"Goodness, no!" Marg replies. "I've just been telling people that you look less attractive with your new hairdo."
"I also hear that you've been saying I'm fat!" Claire says.
"Oh, no!" replies Marg. "I said that when you wear those stripes, they make you look larger than you actually are."
"I also hear that you're saying my husband has a wart on his penis!" Claire exclaims.
"Oh, no!" says Marg, rolling her eyes. "I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his penis!"