Maria Jokes / Recent Jokes
Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin.
On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous.
But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went.
When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and said, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," said her mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
Up she went again.
When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.
Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother, "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go up stairs and he'll take good care of you."
Up she went more...
Maria and Sjefke, both 14 years old (and Belgian), were playing together in the attick.
Mother shouts up:' Maria and Sjefke, what are you doing in the attick?'
' We're making love, mother'
' Then it is ok, but don't let me catch you smoking!'
Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately, she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night while staying at her mother's house, she was nervous, but her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria.
Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you." So up she went.
When she got upstairs, Tony takes off his shirt, and exposes his hairy chest. Maria runs downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs, he'll take care of you." So... up she went.
When she gets up into the bedroom, he takes off his pants, showing his hairy legs. Again Maria runs down the stairs to her mother "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man - go upstairs and he'll take care of you." So... up she went.
When she got more...
A nurse who works here in America, New York to be exact, wanted to make an overseas phone call, so she dialed the operator... Nurse: "Operator I would like to place an overseas call to the Philippines". Operator: "OK, miss, what is your name?" Nurse: "Maria Quintero" Operator: "Could you please spell your last name Maria?" Nurse: "Ok, Quintero... Q as in Cuba... U as in Europe... I as in eyebrow... N as in pneumonia... T as in ptyalin... E as in India... R as in Argentina... O as in Australia.
John was out on a date with a girl he really really liked so he asked her if she wanted to go to his house so they could have sex. So they reached his house and went up to his room. John forgot that he shared a room with his little brother Max. They had bunk beds, and John was on the top bunk. He thought to himself that they wont wake him up. So they got up on the bunk bed and did it anyway. But John told his girl Maria to be quiet, and when she wanted it harder not to moan or anything only to say lettuce, and when she wanted it faster to say tomato. So they were doing it, and Maria was going, "tomato, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce etc" Then all of a sudden, Max wakes up and says, "Will you two please stop making sandwiches up there? Your getting mayonaise on me!"