Marine Jokes / Recent Jokes
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,
"Do you have any military experience?"
The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years."
"I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?"
The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles."
The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am."
"Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability."
The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out more...
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,"Do you have any military experience?"The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years.""I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?"The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles."The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am.""Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability."The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out what to do."
(Now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)Dear Ma and Pa:I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you' til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't more...
Q. Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?
A. So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"The tower responded, "Who is calling?"The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
You Might be a Marine Wife if: 1. Your mail goes to four addresses in two countries before it reaches you. 2. You earned an Accounting degree by deciphering your husbands LES and running a family on what was ACTUALLY deposited. 3. "Savings" sounds like a great idea and you hope to someday have some. 4. Sex - see #3. 5. You can simultaneously be a control freak, change plans on a moments notice, yet you are not being treated for schizophrenia. 6. You know the Tricare regulations/procedures better than their service reps. 7. You know what forms you need better than your husbands Admin clerk. 8. You are strangely attracted (or repulsed) by the color green. 9. You can calculate the cost of a 5-minute phone call from any country, any time, on up to four different calling plans. 10. At a distance, you can pick out your husband from 100 other men with identical haircuts and clo thes. 11. The face paint in your closet is NOT for your children. 12. Name tapes are not just for kids.
A Sailor In A Bar Leans Over To The Guy Next To Him And Says, "Wanna Hear A Marine Joke?"
The Guy Next To Him Replies, "Well, Before You Tell That Joke, You Should Know Something. I'm 6' Tall, 200 Lbs, And I'm A Marine. The Guy Sitting Next To Me Is 6'2" Tall, Weighs 225, And He's A Marine. The Fella Next To Him Is 6'5" Tall, Weighs 250, And He's Also A Marine. Now, You Still Wanna Tell That Joke?"
The Sailor Says, "Nah, I Don't Want To Have To Explain It Three Times."