Mark Jokes / Recent Jokes

16 April 1999, Washington D. C.) We can thank our lucky stars that there are two fewer paramedics around. Carol and Mark were found dead in their suburban home by Mark's 14-year-old son. The couple were wearing respiratory masks attached to an empty canister of nitrous oxide.

Nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, produces a short-lived high, and is often used as a relaxant in dental offices and outpatient clinics. Like every other pure gas, it must be mixed with air or oxygen, lest it cause suffocation. Needless to say, Carol and Mark did not mix the nitrous oxide with air.

What makes this story a true Darwin Award candidate is that both of the deceased had enough medical training to known better. Mark was a 10-year veteran paramedic with the District of Columbia Fire Department. Carol was studying to become an emergency medical technician in a suburban fire department.

Even more amusing is a quote from the Washington D. C. Fire Department's more...

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents."

"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.

"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."

"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.

"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area."

"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?"

"Southern more...

Pete's at work when he realises he's forgotten to ask his wife, Alison, where he should pick her up after work.
He calls home, and after several seconds, Ali answers the phone.
Pete asks his question, and Ali shouts, "You got me out of the bath to ask me that? I dashed to the phone; I haven't even got a towel over me, I'm dripping water in the hall! Pick me up in the square at 5.30!"
As soon as Ali tells him she's naked and wet in the hall, an evil thought occurs to him. "I'm terribly sorry to have got you out of the bath; ok, see you at 5.30 then."
As he hangs up, he calls to his mate, Mark, and outlines his plan, and starts to dial his home number, then gives Mark the phone.
When Ali answers the phone, Mark says, "Hi, Ali, is Pete ho... Oh, look at you! and all wet, too!"
"Ahhhh...."

How do you get a violist to play a downbow staccato?
Put a tenuto mark over a whole note and mark it solo.

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. "Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the of Mark." The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the of Mark, please step to the front of the room." About half the class rose and came forward. "The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no in the Book of Mark."

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him more...

How do you get a violist to play down bow staccato?
Put a tenuto mark over a whole note and mark it "solo."