Mark Jokes / Recent Jokes

My grade in ____ should be raised from _____ to ____ because:1. There must be a mistake somewhere.2. I was not well at the time of the examination.3. My mind always goes blank during an examination.4. This mark ruined my prospect of getting a scholarship.5. This is the only course in which I received a poor grade6. This mark grieved my mother (or Father) whose pride I am.7. Conditions in the room were not conductive to concentration.8. The examination was unfair and unfairly distributed over the subject9. I have to work after school and nights; therefore I should be given a break.10. I am married; therefore, I should be given a break.11. I would have done much better if I had taken the examination give to one of the other sections.12. Several people around me copied from my paper during the examination yet they received higher marks than I did. Surely this is not fair.13. The reason I did not do better is because I am very honest. I do no wish to say anything against any other members more...

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world."That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV "And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3 Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1 "Marling - unbeaten in her three victories." Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV: "Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets." James Hunt, BBC2 TV: "A church spire nestling among the trees... there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV

St. Mark has been guarding the Pearly gates for a long time, and it's
well past time for St. Peter to relieve him, and St. Peter hasn't come
by, so finally Jesus takes pity on him and takes over. While He's there,
an old man comes up to the gates.
"Welcome to heaven" says Jesus, "tell me a bit about yourself."
"Well," says the old man, "when I was alive, I was a carpenter. I had a
son, and for a while he was a carpenter too, helping about the shop, but he
left home. Made quite a name for himself, for a while, but they killed him..."
Jesus stared searchingly at the old man.
"Father?" he asked.
The old man stared back. "Pinnochio?"

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend,

"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big' X' on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

As Mark fixed himself a Martini to carry him through the ordeal of waiting while Peggy got ready for their date, he could hear her singing in the shower.
"Sorry I'm so late," she finally called out to him, "but I was shopping and lost track of the time." Clutching a large towel about her, she edged into the room. "Would you like to see me in my new dress?" she asked.
Mark took appreciative note of her newly bathed charms straining at the confines of the barely adequate towel.
"I would like," he said with a smile, "nothing better."

Dear Professor:______________________________Date:________
My grade in _______________ should be raised from __________ to ______ because:
There must be a mistake somewhere.
I was not well at the time of the examination.
My mind always goes blank during an examination.
This mark ruined my prospect of getting a scholarship.
This is the only course in which I received a poor grade
This mark grieved my mother (or Father). whose pride I am.
Conditions in the room were not conductive to concentration.
The examination was unfair and unfairly distributed over the subject
I have to work after school and nights; therefore I should be given a break.
I am married; therefore, I should be given a break.
I would have done much better if I had taken the examination give to one of the other sections.
Several people around me copied from my paper during the examination yet they received higher marks than I did. Surely this is not fair.
The reason more...

Towards the end of his sermon the minister told his congregation that the following Sunday he planned to preach about the sin of lying. He asked them all to read Mark 17 to better understand next Sunday's sermon.
The following Sunday the minister asked for a show of hands to see how many had read Mark 17. Every hand in the congregation went up. Smiling, the minister said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. Let us now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."