Mark Jokes / Recent Jokes

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach
about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I
want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many
had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and
said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with
my sermon on the sin of lying."

A very important event is going to happen on May the 4th. I'm telling you so early because it's so important. I urge each of you to mark that date on your calendars with the letters BU. It's very important that you include the letter B with the letter U; you may miss the importance of the event without it.
So go now, and mark your calendars. Keep repeating to yourselves as you walk to the calendar, so you don't forget: May the 4th, B with U; May the 4th, B with U....

A very important event is going to happen on May the 4th. I'm telling you so early because it's so important. I urge each of you to mark that date on your calendars with the letters BU. It's very important that you include the letter B with the letter U; you may miss the importance of the event without it.So go now, and mark your calendars. Keep repeating to yourselves as you walk to the calendar, so you don't forget: May the 4th, B with U; May the 4th, B with U....

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red' 'H'' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue' 'Y'' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green' 'M'' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal."
- Dave Bassett, Sky Sports
"Ardiles strokes the ball like it is part of his own anatomy."
- Jimmy Magee, RTE
"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
- Kevin Keegan, Radio 5 live
"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
- Ted Walsh ( Horse Racing Commentator)
"I would not say he ( David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
- Ron Atkinson
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
- Ron Atkinson
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
- Ron Atkinson
"It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up."
- Ian Wright commenting on his teammate's alcoholism)
"I couldn't settle more...

THE abuse can be an art if it is spontaneous, cool and hits the mark fairly and squarely.
A lot of abuse has been traded between leaders of political parties and their traducers. Some of it is spontaneous but always angry and way off the mark.
, ^ Among some juicy insults is an exchange between the notorious John Wilkes and the Earl of Sandwich. Once Wilkes taunted the Earl,' I predict, Sir, that you will die by hanging or from some loathsome disease.'
Replied the Earl of Sandwich, "That depends, my dear Sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.'
Now, that is foul-mouthing with panache!

Have you heard the one about Mark, George and Bob who became good friends?

They decided to go on a vacation together along with their wives. So they rent a large mobile home and away they went. Unfortunately just as they were getting on the highway a semi-trailer ran right over the top of them, sending them all to Peter at the pearly gates.

Mark stepped forward and introduced himself. Peter said "Well its great to meet you, let me check the Big Book and I'll get right back to you." Peter came back with a frown on his face and said "I'm sorry I won't be able to let you in. All you thought about during your life was money, money, money! In fact you didn't marry until you found a girl named Penny! Next."

So George stepped forward, going through the same process until Peter again came back with a frown on his face. Peter said "I'm sorry I won't be able to let you in. All you thought about during your life was drinking, drinking, more...