Marry Jokes / Recent Jokes

In her own eyes, Julia was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry."
"Really?" said her date, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"

1. A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
2. IRISH WOMAN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
3. ITALIAN WOMAN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
4. JEWISH WOMAN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
5. POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You more...

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David BissonetteA man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa GaborI'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa GaborWhen a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha GuitryMarriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - MontaigneAfter marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - - Hemant JoshiA successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana TurnerMarriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West"I was married by a judge... I should have asked for a jury." - George BurnsUnknown Author QuotesMarriage is more...

Men should never marry a woman for her beauty alone. That is rather like buying a house just because you like the way it's painted.My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm damn lucky to have them.My other wife is beautiful.My wife and I have a perfect understanding; I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors.Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.One of the safest ways to assure a happy marriage is to be sure more...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." - Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."- Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." - Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." - Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN more...

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him.
The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said.
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.
"Second, I want more...

There's that man, who has a cock 50 cm long. And he can't get fucked, cause' no lady can take it that sky-high. Well, he's desperate and the only way out seems the Ookaburra witch. Well, the man decides to seek help from the witch. Entering the dark cottage, a voice speaks: "I know why You are here... 3 kilometers east from here there is a swamp. In the middle of the swamp on a stone sits the largest frog on earth. If You get him to answer "no" to one of Your questions, Your cock will get 10 cm shorter."
Well, in the swamp they meet and after a little thought he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No"
The man goes behind a small tree and checks it out - wow! 10 cm shorter!
Well, surely enough he goes again and asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No!"
He goes behind the tree again and looks: only 30 cm long! 20 cm would be just right...
Again, he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "How many more...