Mars Jokes

AT&T fired PresidentJohn Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". Hereceived a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lackingintelligence... With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police inOakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricadedhimself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that theman was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....And What Was Plan B? An Illinois man pretending to havea gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated tellermachines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts... And These Nitwits Are TeachingOur Children?!! A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspensionunder his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoefferallegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump more...

I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn? t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars, ” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M. I. T. ”
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family, ” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research. ”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer? s ear, “Three million dollars. ”
“Why so much more than the others? ” asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I? ll give you $1 million, I? ll keep $1 million, and we? ll send the engineer to Mars. ”

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn? t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M. I. T."The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer? s ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I? ll give you $1 million, I? ll keep $1 million, and we? ll send the engineer to Mars."

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out and give himself up...And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a more...