Marvin Jokes

Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it his wife's birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her.
Unfortunately, he realises that life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realises that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young.
Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.
Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.
Once the package is opened she realises that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment more...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Marvin!
Marvin who?
Marvin I wonderful!

Retiring from a big corporate job in LA, Marvin moves to Tel Aviv. (So nu, you were thinking maybe he'd move to a kibbutz?)
Wanting to contribute to nation-building somehow he focuses on stock-trading, the only vocation he knows. But, to commute to his new humble penthouse office, he refuses to drive a Mercedes like everyone else so he buys himself... a camel.
Every night Marvin parks his camel in the garage under his Tel Aviv Condo and the next morning he mounts the camel for the commute to his new office in Ramat Gan.
One day Marvin comes down to the parking garage and the camel is gone... stolen!
He calls the police who arrive within minutes. The first question is "What color was your camel?"
Marvin replies he doesn't remember, "Probably camel colored I guess... sort of brownish-greyish."
"And how many humps on your camel?' asks the policeman.
"Who counts humps... one, maybe two, I don't know for sure."
"And more...

Morty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has finally quit smoking."Imagine that, Morty," she says, "Someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that's what I call will power - something that you definitely don't have."
But Sadie hadn't finished. "And that's not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking - another example of the kind of will power that you don't have."
"OK, Sadie," said Morty, "you want to see will power, do you? Well here's will power. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won't be affected at all by not sleeping with a woman."
Morty keeps to his word.
One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door.
Morty shouts out, "What do you more...

Marvin had always wanted to be a gunfighter. He grew up in the old West. As a child he read everything about gunfighters he could find. His hero was Billy the Kidd. He dreamed of being just like his hero. One day he went to town and bought himself a black hat, some black clothes, a black horse and two pistols. He went home and every day he went out behind his barn, and practiced shooting.

After two weeks he was getting to be quite a good shot. He decided it was time to show off. He put on his black clothes and hat, strapped on his guns and rode into town. When he walked into the saloon, standing at the bar he saw Billy the Kidd. He was so excited! He walked up and said, "Mr. Kidd, I am your biggest fan. I have always wanted to be just like you. Look at me. Do I look like a gunfighter?"

Billy looked him over and said, "Well, you have the right clothes and you have a nice black hat, and I see you rode up on a black horse. But, can you more...