Material Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some non-Christian (but not unChristian) bits of important wisdom for earth dwellers:
Be a Fundamentalist - ensure that the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material from that track. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, which will ensure regularity.
Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering, so you are already a winner!
The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That's where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.
Life is like photography - you use the negative to develop. No matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you...
It is true: As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the more...

The teacher decided that in science class, she would teach her students about different materials. Standing at the front of the class, she asked, "Children, if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Raising his hand, little Timmy said, "I would choose gold. It's worth lots of money and I could by a Porche."
Next, little Lois raised her hand and said, "I would want platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could by a Corvette."
"Very good, both of you," said the teacher. "Johnny, what would you want?"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want silicon."
"Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Heck, my mom has two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the sports cars outside our house!" he replied.

To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.__5. I'll lose my scholarship.__6. I'm on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam for me.__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.__10. You are prejudiced more...

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the
Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about
the way of life there.
REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering
material for a documentary about the way of life in the
remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an
interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you??
SCOTSMAN: Certainly...
REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?
SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round
here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't.
You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built
more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald
the Croftbuilder? No, they don't.
And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made
several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,
they don't.
But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with more...

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the
Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about
the way of life there.
REPORTER:
Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering
material for a documentary about the way of life in the
remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an
interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?
SCOTSMAN:
Certainly...
REPORTER:
Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?
SCOTSMAN:
Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round
here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't.
You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built
more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald
the Croftbuilder? No, they don't.
And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made
several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,
they don't.
But, I tell you, a more...

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of theScottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary aboutthe way of life there.REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? SCOTSMAN: Certainly... REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep....

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