Material Jokes / Recent Jokes

The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, "Wanted FBI agents." After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, "We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal." The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream. The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. "Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her." The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. "I can't do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!"The agent than says that he just isn't FBI material, but thanks him for coming down. They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the country above all else. "I always more...

My son just turned 10 last month and is aware I’d been writing a lot of jokes lately. I read him a couple last night. (Don’t call the Feds; I stuck to G-rated material. The kid still occasionally believes that Dreamworks characters talk when humans aren’t around.) Anyway, tonight I had a feeling he was turning the tables on me and was winding up to try a joke out. I expected knock-knock or something of the caliber of “No soap.... Radio!” Instead he said, “What shape is the hole of a donut?” I took the bait and slowly replied, “I don’t know. What shape is the hole of a donut.” He answered, “O hole.”

He went straight from diapers to R-rated punchlines? Only one person in this family is allowed to write original material. Your mom! Got that?

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An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution.
"No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:"I define myself to be on the outside."

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:"I define myself to be on the outside."