Mathematician Jokes / Recent Jokes
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of
having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a
divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says, "It is better to have a wife because the sense of security
lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The mathematician says, "You are both wrong. It is best to have both so that
when the wife thinks you are with the mistress and the mistress thinks you are
with your wife - you can do some mathematics."
The book Dynamic Programming by Richard Bellman is an important, pioneering work in which a group of problems is collected together at the end of some chapters under the heading "Exercises and Research Problems," with extremely trivial questions appearing in the midst of deep, unsolved problems. It is rumored that someone once asked Dr. Bellman how to tell the exercises apart from the research problems, and he replied: "If you can solve it, it is an exercise; otherwise it's a research problem."
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.
The doctor says, "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.
The mathematician says, "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife, you can do some mathematics.
you are fascinated by the equation.
you know by heart the first fifty digits of.
you have tried to prove Fermat's Last Theorem.
you know ten ways to prove Pythagoras' Theorem.
your telephone number is the sum of two prime numbers.
you have calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
you are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.
you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
when you say to a car dealer "I'll take the red car or the blue one" you must add "but not both of them."
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.The doctor says, "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.The mathematician says, "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife, you can do some mathematics.
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
None. The answer is intuitively obvious.
One. He gives it to four programmers, thereby simplifying the problem to a previous question.
How many numerical analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
3. 9967 (after six iterations).
How many mathematical logicians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't do it, but they can easily prove that it can be done.
How many classical geometers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass.
How many analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a nonconstructive algorithm to do it.
How many number theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know the exact number, but I am sure it must be some rather elegant prime.
A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems.