Mathematician Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What is a mathematician's pick when faced with the choice between poutine and eternal bliss in the afterlife?
A: Poutine! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and poutine is better than nothing.
A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment.The (hungry) mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and his favorite meal, perfectly prepared, is placed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every minute, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the meal."The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I`m not going to go through this. You know I`ll never reach the food!" And he gets up and storms out.The psychologist ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist`s eyes light up and he starts drooling.The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don`t you realize that you`ll never reach the food?"The physicist smiles and replies: "Of course! But I`ll get close enough for all practical purposes!"
A mathematician, biologist and physicist are sitting in a street cafewatching people going in and coming out of the house on the other sideof the street.First they see two people going into the house.Time passes.After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.The physicist says: "The measurement wasn`t accurate."The biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."The mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it`llbe empty again."
Q: How does a mathematician encourage good behavior in her children?
A: `I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.
Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two? ”
The mathematician answered immediately, “Four. ”
The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one. ”
Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be? ”