Matthews Jokes

Sir Chicken Matthews
A Sunday League Jewish football team is desperate for players. So desperate in fact that one Sunday they are forced to play a kosher chicken in their team.
Rather surprisingly, the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it`s clearing off its own line, the next its threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross.
At half time all its team-mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half. On the way back, the referee starts chatting with the chicken.
"Great first half mate, you must be really fit".
"Thanks," said the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work".
"What do you do then?" asked the referee.
"I`m a chartered accountant" replies the chicken. At which point the referee immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken more...

The Angels may discipline Gary Matthews Jr. for refusing to provide information about his alleged purchase of HGH.

Matthews will eventually have to cooperate like other steroid users, and apologize without meaning it.