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"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?" "They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing."
"Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out more...

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me up for that? Did I mention the video camera? Do you smell something burning? (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead... Try breathing through your nose. A little rug burn never hurt anyone! Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? But whipped cream makes me break out. Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! Can you please pass me the remote control? Do you accept Visa? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ On second thought, let's turn off the lights. And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend! So much for mouth-to-mouth. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay? Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! Do you get any premium movie channels? Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just more...

Computer Illiterate Support Call

' Hello, Support Desk, may I help you?'

'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?'

'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?'

'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]' Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'

'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]' Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'

'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...

Hello out there all people of the world. This is Santa and I just
wanted to let you know that Christmas may be a little late this
year. You see, after checking all the boxes and tallying them
up, I found some problems with the results.
The first result showed:
250, 576, 428, 534, 120 Good
250, 576, 428, 523, 119 Bad
While the second result showed:
250, 576, 428, 534, 118 Good
250, 576, 428, 523, 121 Bad
So you see, I can't, with good faith, go out and deliver presents
while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny
was good for once, then again, maybe not.
So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. To help
do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th
of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer.
You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I
made them myself. I forgot what they meant.
You know, Good... and more...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of
Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator
shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle"
attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde
shouted, "Maybe I`ll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a
reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.
Maybe you`ll luck out and catch yourself a big
one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed
for the swamps, set on catching herself an
alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving
home, when he spotted the young woman standing
waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming
quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature,
and with a great deal of more...

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion. "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work!?"

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are in a car that breaks down.
The mechanical engineer says: ''Maybe is's a stuck valve''.
The electical engineer says: ''Maybe it's a dead battery''.
The software engineer says: ''I know. Let's all get out and get back in again, and see if that fixes it''.