Meal Jokes / Recent Jokes
It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their wedding night with the young man's parents.
In the morning the mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast, went to the bottom of the stairs and called for them to come down for breakfast. After a long wait the family ate without the newlyweds. The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?"
The grooms young brother said, "Mommy, I think -- "
"Oh shut up, I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the younger brother.
At lunch time the mother again prepared a wonderful meal and again called the young couple to eat. After another long wait the family proceeded to eat, and after the meal was completed the mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?" Once again the younger brother started to speak, but was interrupted by the more...
This is an actual extract from a Home Economics textbook, printed in the early 60s.
The Good Wives Guide
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return home from work. This is way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and the run a dust more...
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her.
She thought a second, and then replied, "You're going to die."
Two starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town.they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the firstman begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that hewill wait. after the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down theroad. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws itup. the second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as hesits down: "now THIS is what i've been waiting for! a hot meal!"
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started singing, "One more...
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems = with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. Make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold."No," the inmate said, "just get it over with.""Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.The inmate started singing, "One billion bottles of beer on the more...