Mean Jokes / Recent Jokes

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you??" The farmer said, "Yeah, I want to get one of them dayvorces." The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yeah, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yeah, I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes, sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4: 30." Finally, the attorney said, "Okay, let me more...

25 rules for Women to follow:1. Sports Center starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. Do not bother me! 2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew, Banana Republic or the local Patagonia store.4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? 5. Butthead is the smart one.6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear? 7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship."9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, more...

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.

If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.