Meaning Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.9. Only in America.....do we use the word' politics' to describe the process so more...
Twas the night before Jesus came and all through the house
Not a creature was praying, not one in the house.
Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care
In hopes that Jesus would not come there.
The children were dressing to crawl into bed,
Not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap
Was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.
When out of the East there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But angels proclaiming that Jesus was here.
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray
I knew in a moment this must be The Day!
The light of His face made me cover my head
It was Jesus! returning just like He had said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and more...
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) more...
PlateICNCYDU
MeaningI see inside you, a radiologist's plate
PlateCYIMBRK
MeaningSee Why I'm broke, found on a cherry 95 ford 3/4 ton truck
PlateOH2B39
MeaningA woman in her early 50's has had this plate for about the last ten years
PlateYURNEXT
MeaningOn the car of an undertaker
Plate1DFOAL
Meaning"Wonderful" (On a Ford Mustang. Get it? Foal as in baby horse)
Plate4SAFETY
MeaningOn a Volvo, what else?
Plate9MPGWOW
Meaning9 Miles Per Gallon, Wow! On a 1966 Cadillac Sedan DeVille
PlateAV8RX
MeaningAviatrix (female pilot)
PlateKPASAMDK
Meaning(Que) Pasa MD [What's up Doc? ]
PlateTOOLONG
MeaningOn a Lincoln super-long limo owned by Super Limousine, Seattle, WA.
PlateW8N4FRI
MeaningWaitin' for Friday...join the club!
PlateWNDWS95
MeaningWindows 95, On a customized 95 Chevy Astro Van
PlateXKWIZIT
MeaningExquisite, on a '56 speedster
PlateZMEGOBYU
MeaningSee me go by more...
What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests its chocolate.
Only in America... Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance... Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink... Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke... Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters... Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage... Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place... Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight... Only in America... do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...
What is the meaning of "sanctity"? It's french, for a lady with five breasts. Sent by Darrell