Measure Jokes / Recent Jokes
Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U. S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany`s leading institutes.
The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald`s restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies` relative purchasing power.
The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.
A simple alternative, now that McDonald`s has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.
"A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, more...
Q: What is a chord? A: Three violists playing in unison.Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One.Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: Half a measure.Q: What is the difference between grapes and a viola? A: You take off your shoes to stamp on grapes.Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.Q: What is the difference between a chainsaw and a viola? A: If you absolutely had to, you could use a chainsaw in a string quartet.Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola? A: A violator.Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: A semi-tone.Q: Why are violas so large? A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large, just that the viola player's heads are so small.Q: more...
The measure of a man's intelligence is inversely proportional to the amount of time he keeps his mouth open.
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead more...
There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide.
The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole.
The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end.
The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement.
The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times
when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground?
The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.
The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10, 000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose. The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720, 000. The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960, 000. Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from the tip of my penis to the tip of my testicles." The pension man said that would be fine but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring. The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop' em... he did... The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of more...
A group of managers were given he assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went to the flagpole with a ladder and a measuring tape. They keep falling off the ladder, dropping the tape and the whole thing in mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they are trying to do. He walks over, pull the flagpole out of the ground, lay it flat, measure it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the manager and walk away. After the engineer left, one of the manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We are looking for the height and he gives us the length."