Teddy Jokes

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows
for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids more...

Sudan has found the British teacher who allowed students to name a teddy bear'Muhammad' guilty of insulting religion and inciting hatred against Islam, and has sentenced her to 15 days in jail and to deportation.

Upon hearing this news, people all over Sudan began naming teddy bears Muhammad.



While jurists in the free world mostly agreed with the Sudan verdict, they disagreed with the charges, saying that the teacher instead should have been convicted for insulting a teddy bear.

They argued that naming a bed of nails or a guillotine'Muhammad' is one thing, but warm and fuzzy objects such as teddy bears truly run contrary to Islam.

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

Q. What does a teddy bear put in his house? A. Fur-niture!

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm
gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
know what to do with.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane,
son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
or your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my more...