Mechanical Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Engineers do it with precision.

Electrical engineers are shocked when they do it.

Electrical engineers do it on an impulse.

Electrical engineers do it with large capacities.

Electrical engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.

Electrical engineers do it with more power and at higher frequency.

Mechanical engineers do it with stress and strain.

Mechanical engineers do it with less energy and greater efficiency.

Chemical Engineers do it in fluidized beds.

City planners do it with their eyes closed.

Petroleum engineers do it with lubrication.

Reservoir engineers do it thorougly and with lot of simulation.

Drilling engineers do it with smooth penetration aided by lubrication, frequent short wiper tripps, and at the end slug is pumped before they pull out.

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. --Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair Identical parts aren't. --Beach's Law Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. --Anthony's Law of the Workshop Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. -- Tussman's Law If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. --Lowery's Law The solution to a problem changes the problem. --Peer's Law There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. --William's Law Machines should work. People should think. --IBM's Pollyanna Principle The most ineffective workers shall be moved systematically to the place where they can do the least damage. --The Dilbert Principle The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. --Ehrlich's Law It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry. --Ralph's Observation If you tell the boss you were more...

Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might've designed the human body.
The first one said, "It must've been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that."
The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer."
Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?"

A man walks into a country club, and asks to play a round of golf. The man behind the counter suggests he try one of their brand new mechanical caddies. The guy had just gotten his paycheck, so he had money to burn, he figured "what the hell".
He took the caddy out and it was great, it would tell him what club to use, what was wrong with his swing, and what direction his putts would break and how much. The man gets done, and shoots the best round of his life.
A month later he comes back and asks for one of the caddies. The manager replies, "I'm sorry, but we had to get rid of them." The man a little confused asks, "Why did you get rid of them, they were great." The manager explained that they were made out of metal, so when the sun reflected off of them, it blinded the other golfers.
Still confused, the man adds, "Well, why didn't you just paint them black?"
The manager replies "Well, we tried that, but then 2 of them more...

A gay bar in Australia is banning service to Heterosexual customers. Yea, the pub made their point clear when they got rid of the mechanical bull and replaced it with mechanical Dan.

Okay, you've heard of Murphy's famous Law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. There are many other related Laws, as well. Here are some:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. --Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair

Identical parts aren't. --Beach's Law

Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner. --Anthony's Law of the Workshop

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. --Tussman's Law

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. --Lowery's Law

The solution to a problem changes the problem. --Peer's Law

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. --William's Law

Handy Guide to Modern Science: 1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's Biology. 2. If it stinks, it's Chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's Physics.

Machines should work. more...