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While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers.
Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device (P.E.N.C.I.L.).
This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the (P.E.N.C.I.L.) will require preparation and testing. Tools and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device;and a supply of computer paper (with or without holes).
Gripping the more...

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger.
"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister.
"I know," said the man. "If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him."

Bill is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Bill just dates and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Bill replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear old Mother?"
Many weeks go by and again Bill and his friend get together. "So Bill. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?"
Bill shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."
"So are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Tuesday at 4: 00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. Thursday at 5: 00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his more...

Bill is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Bill just dates and dates.Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?""No," Bill replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!""Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear old Mother?"Many weeks go by and again Bill and his friend get together. "So Bill. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?"Bill shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends.""So are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"

The following is a true story. . .

An anonymous girl, lets call her Jen, is a junior in college attending school in Colorado, like all college students, she is wrapped up in the partying and the wildness college life has to offer. Jen being the computer science major that she is does however have a lot of work to do on her computer so when she's not out having a good time, she's working her but off desining computer programs and installing software.

One day, soon after she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was home alone on a friday night for the first time in the three years they had been dating. she was sad alone and depressed, so she decided to make a new homepage. she was playing on the net when she decided to get onto a chat line, being the wild psycho she is she decided to get onto a sex line. So Jen got onto a sex chat line and started playing around on it.

Over the line, she met a guy who identified himself as Jeremy, she started playing more...

***HERE ARE SOME LANGUAGE WARPS:***
"I dislike your insinuendoes!"
"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."
"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."
"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."
"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it."
"To be demeanored like that is an exercise in fertility."
"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."
"I'd hate to confuse myself with the facts."
"Family planning has many misconceptions."

Many of us would be delighted to pay as we go. .. if we could only catch up from paying as we've already gone.

Personals Ad: "Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money.

If you're not one of my creditors, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was more...