Meet Jokes / Recent Jokes
A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet. The local kid:"My mom was born in California! Where was your mom born?" The other kid answers, "Alaska". The first one replies:"Gee, then don't worry about it... I'll ask'er myself!"
Four regulars were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
"I can't believe you more...
Two animals meet in the woods, both blind since birth. Neither one knows what kind of animal it is, so they decide to feel each other to try to figure it out.
"What do I feel like," the first animal asked. "You have soft fur all over you, strong back legs, big back feet, a puffy little cotton tail, two long ears, and a twitchy little nose." The first animal, full of joy, exclaimed, "I know what I am! I'm a bunny rabbit."
"Now it's my turn," said the second animal. The bunny felt him, describing, "You're very long, narrow, and low to the ground. You're cold, and slimy. You have long, sharp fangs and a little forked tongue that keeps darting out of your mouth."
"Damn," sobbed the second animal. "I'm a lawyer."
Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ron had an idea for the two to wake up early the next day and hike in opposite directions for the day and meet at the campground for dinner. James agreed.So around 6 the next evening they meet up. Ron says "I hiked north and came up to a beautiful spring, I swam for a few hours, then stretched out on the shore to dry and I watched a deer drink from the spring... it was so wonderful."James said "Wow, you had a good day. I went south and ran into some railroad tracks, I followed them east until I came across a woman tied to the tracks, I untied her and we had sex in every imaginable way all day."Ron was so jealous "Your day was so much better than mine... did you get a blow job?""Nope" James replied, "I couldn't find her head!"
Little Siripala, also known as "Amdon" is a child who was well aware of all the adult stuff and obscene language.
Once Siripala's teacher (a lady teacher) who was so annoyed with his use of obscene language, told Siripala to ask his mother to meet her the following day. Siripala's mother, who was pregnant, came to meet the teacher, the following day. As she entered the classroom, Siripala, pointing his finger to his mother's tummy, shouted saying "teacher! teacher! I did this! I did this!".
The teacher was very angry, and she told the mother "Look for yourself how your son behaves in the classroom. He is spoiling the other students also. That is why I wanted you to see me". The mother was helplessly looking at the teacher.
Then the teacher, turning towards Siripala said very angrily "How dare you tell something like that to your own mother". Then Siripala said "I am telling you the truth; I did this". Then the teacher so more...
Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God".
"Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her. "Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish ducks here".
So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.
Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.
The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing. "DON'T STEP on more...