Mercedes Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy is walking down the beach . He spots an old brass lantern in the sand . He picks it up . And starts knocking the sand off .
And this genie pops out of the lantern .
And declares . I am the divorce genie .
The guy amazed but dumbfoundwed says .
What in the hell is a divorce genie .
The genie says . What ever you ask for your ex gets two of .
And I am granting you three wishes .
What would you like?
So the guy thinks for minute .
First wish .
I want a Mercedes Convertable .
Poof .. Brand new Mercedes Convertable .
And the genie says .
Your ex just got 2 of these .
So for the second wish .
The guy says . I want 10 million dollars cash .
Poof he has 10 million dollars cash on the hood of his Mercedes .
And the Genie says .
Your ex has the same thing on each of her Mercedes .
So the guy says . Let me get this straight . What ever I wish for . She gets double .
And the Genie says yes .
So the guy more...

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why? " asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for? "
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

These three women go into a clothing store, a blonde, a red, and a brunette. When they enter the clerk tells them that there is a magic mirror in the fitting and that if you lie you will disappear. The red women goes in and asks for 5,000, when she goes home her house is full of money. The brunette asks for a Mercedes Benz and the keys appear on her hand and the Mercedes is waiting for her outside. The blond goes and says,"
I think... "
The blond disappeared because she had said a lie.

Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "hey, i tell you my driver is really stupid... You don't think so?
Let me show you."and he called his driver banta singh over and said, "banta, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a mercedes."
To which banta replied, "yes sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "see, i told you he was stupid."
The other rich man said, "that's nothing, you want to see stupid, i will show you stupid." and he called his driver, santa singh: "santa, go home now and check to see if i'm at home.

"santa said, "yes sir!! Right away, sir" and ran home.
"See what i told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if i am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. more...

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80/mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100... then the reality of the situation hit him. "WHAT AM I DOING?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examines it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thought for a second and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice more...

A chicken and a horse are playing in a meadow when the horse falls into a mud hole and begins to sink. The horse calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to get the farmer, but can't find him, so she drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to the horse and drives the car forward, saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again. This time, the chicken falls into the mud hole. She yells to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says, "I think I can stand over the mud hole!" So, he stretches over the width of the hole and says to the chicken, "Quick, grab my 'thingy' and pull yourself up!" The chicken does as the horse said and pulls herself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes more...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time more...