Mercedes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.
As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, 'my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing.
''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman?
The lawyer, stunned, began to scream,
"My rolex, my brand new rolex!"

A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, 'my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing.''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman? The lawyer, stunned, began to scream, "My rolex, my brand new rolex!"

Four guys were telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves to go to the restroom. Three guys are left...
The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was going to be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break, they made HIM a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just more...

Santa in Circle
Santa Singh was driving his Mercedes at a furious pace and suddenly hits the car ahead, a Maruti, and both come to a complete halt.
The Maruti's driver, Banta Singh is furious. He steps out of his car and moves towards Santa. He makes a circle on the road and asks Santa to stand inside it and dares him to step out of it. He pulls out a rod and breaks the bonnet of the Mercedes.
He looks back at Santa and finds him laughing cunningly. This makes him even more furious and goes about breaking all the windows of the expensive car. Again looking back he finds Santa laughing! His anger peaking, Banta smashes whatever part of the Mercedes he can lay hands on. Yet again Santa is found smiling.
Frustated and tired, Banta finally asks Santa Singh, "What's the matter with you? I have completely torn apart your car and you continue to smile, what's wrong with you?"
Santa replies, "Well, you didn't know... you see, everytime you turned to more...

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes, ” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100….. Then the reality of the situation hit him.
“What in hell am I doing? ” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car.
“I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go! ” said the cop.
“Last week my wife ran off with a cop, ” the man said, “and I was afraid you were trying to give her back! ”
“Off you go, ” said the officer.

A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the plant manager, and told him, "When I buy a $80,000 car I expect the damn radio to work."
The plant manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. Pretty neat stuff.
He got back into the car and said "Country music," and Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator.
Finally relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham and listening to smooth sounds. Then a red car with jammed with young girls almost ran him off the road. "STUPID BITCHES!" he screamed. Immediately the Spice Girls started singing.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.""Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I more...