Merry Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses
What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude'olph
Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen
What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a
chimney?
Santa Claus-trophbia
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about
their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbonhood
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
How do canines in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleas Navidog.
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece navidad
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,
The computers were whirring; they never do stop.
The power was on and the temperature right,
In hopes that the input would feed back that night.
The system was ready, the program was coded,
And memory drums had been carefully loaded;
While adding a Christmasy glow to the scene,
The lights on the console, flashed red, white and green.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
The programmer ran to see what was the matter.
Away to the hallway he flew like a flash,
Forgetting his key in his curious dash.
He stood in the hallway and looked all about,
When the door slammed behind him, and he was locked out.
Then, in the computer room what should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer;
And a little old man, who with scarcely a pause,
Chuckled: "My name is Santa... the last name is Claus."
The computer was more...
Dear Darling Son (and That Person You Married),Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm also getting used to the more...
In the courtroom judge was in a merry mood on Christmas Eve as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping barly," replied the defendant. "That's not an offence," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store i opened."
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my haemorrhoid surgery, has she? Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating more...
Only in Merry Olde England
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had
him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in
such a manner. His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She
sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then
she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even
more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William
Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the
fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would
have prevented more...