Merry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?
A: He only appears to be old. He's an undercover kid.
Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn't you fly too?
Q: Why do we wish people a "Merry Christmas" instead of a "Happy Christmas"?
A: The two are about the same, but with "Merry Christmas" an extra twinkle is seen in the eyes.
Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a "live Christmas tree?"
A: It's dead but doesn't know it, and yet it's having the time of its life.
Q: Why do we wrap our Christmas gifts with paper?
A: Because we like to see surprise and joy (real or kindly faked) in the recipients.
Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Nowadays, only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit, but OSHA passed the Angel Safety Law recently, which also requires that the more...

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my haemorrhoid surgery, has she? Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating more...

Love is a merry little elf who dances a jig, then turns on you with a machine gun.

Republicans say "Merry Christmas!" Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

Dear Darling Son (and that Person you married),

Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine
considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that
you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing
mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I
hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother
never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their
pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear boy. I put them
in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds
me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but
I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Berta and I dug her
up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you,
but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come.
I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my more...

Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?
A: He only appears to be old. He's an undercover kid.

Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn't you fly too?

Q: Why do we wish people a "Merry Christmas" instead of a "Happy Christmas"?
A: The two are about the same, but with "Merry Christmas" an extra twinkle is
seen in the eyes.

Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a "live
Christmas tree?"
A: It's dead but doesn't know it, and yet it's having the time of its life.

Q: Why do we wrap our Christmas gifts with paper?
A: Because we like to see surprise and joy (real or kindly faked) in the
recipients.

Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Nowadays, only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit,
but OSHA passed more...

The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are:1. Passionate Lady2. Bare Belly3. Silk Panties4. Conscience5. Jockey Shorts6. Clean Sheets7. Thighs8. Big Johnson9. Heavy Bosum10. Merry CherryAt the Post:They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.Heavy Bosum is being pressured.Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.Big Johnson is making a final drive.Passionate Lady is coming.At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head.Heavy Bosum weakens and more...