Meters Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. They reallize their only chance of survival is to swim 500 meters to shore so the redhead tries first but only gets 200 meters and drowns. Then the brunette tries and gets 300 meters and drowns. Finally the blonde gives it a go she gets 250 meters out and says, " O crap its too far!" then she swims back to the island.

German scientists dug 50 meters down and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone net.

Naturally, the Russian government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Russians 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fiber net.

American scientists were outraged by this. They dug 200 meters down & found absolutely nothing. They happily concluded that the ancient Americans 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

There was a blonde, burnette, and a redhead were stranded on an island. they figured out that the island was 100 meters from the shore. The burnette thought she could swim there, so she swam 15 meters and then got tired and sank.
The red head also tried to swim there, but only got to 17 meters before she got tired and sank.
The blonde also swam. She swam FIFTY meters before she got tired. After she got tired, she swam the 50 meters back to the island.

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per meter madam," replied Banta (clerk).
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take five meters."
"Five meters only?", asked Banta "Hmmmmm..", girl thinks for a moment and said, "Ok give me ten meters" With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, Banta hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short
walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away.
The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3
meters to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for,
aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!"

There was once a villager who got engaged to a girl from the neighboring village. One day he decided to walk there and visit his fiance. So he asked his mum to go and buy some material to make him some new underwear since he had been wearing his for 3 months. His mum bought 5 meters and made two pairs for him with 2 meters leaving 3 meters spare. He put on his new underwear and his best kilt (skirt) and set off for the next village. When he was half way there, he needed to go to the toilet, and took off his underwear, and hung it on a tree so as not to dirty it. When he was done, he forgot to put his underwear back on. When he got to his fiances house, he sat opposite her so as to show off his new underwear. The girl looked shocked. When the man saw her expression, he thought she was impressed with his new underwear, and said, "Do u like it? I have another 3 meters at home."

one day a guy walks into a bar and sits down and chats to his friends for abit, this guy then gets up and walksover to the bar manager and says i bet you $300 that i can piss in a glass 3 meters away from me and not miss one bit, so the bar manager says ok your on!
So the manager gives the guy an empty glass and the guy places it 3 meters away...the guy un does his zipper and starts peeing every were but the glass he pees on the bar on the manager.. so the bar manager starts lafing and says hand over the money u=you lost the bet... and the money and starts smiling
and the bar manager says why are you so happy you just lost $300
and the guy awnsers yes i no but i just made a bet with sum guys over there for $600 that i cud piss on the bar and all over you and youd be happy about it