Milking Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who
should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting
up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had
to go up and say something to him.
"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business
these days?"
If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his
face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.
"John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I
can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just
gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for
good."
"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you
got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...."
"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow
gets more ornery as the more...
Whats the hardest part of milking a mouse? Getting it to fit over a bucket!
The farmer goes to town one day and happens to run into his old pal the tractor salesman."Hows business?" asks the farmer. "Not very good, I havent sold a tractor in months, How are things on the farm?" asked the salesman."Well-- The other day I went out to the barn to milk that old cow I have. I started milking and she swatted me with her tail, so I tied her tail to the ceiling. I started milking again and she kicked me with her left leg so I tied that to the left side of the stall. I started milking again and she kicked me with her right leg so I tied that one to the right side of the stall. About that time my wife walked in the barn, and if you can convince her that I was just trying to milk that damn cow, Ill buy a tractor from you!!"
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain. Man: Ok, but that's not so bad. Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. more...
NAME: Expecteria Trouserius (Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and sub-species.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, resulting in an incurable disease and consequent death.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED
TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND: more...
A farmer orders an expensive milking machine. He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch.
Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does. But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool, anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information.
He tries every button on the instrument, without success. finally the farmer decides to call the customer hotline. "Hello, I just bought a milking cow machine from your company, It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry sir", replies the customer service person, "the machine will release automatically once it has collected two litres! "
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk? ”
Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that’s so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain. Man: Ok, but that’s not so bad.
Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain.
Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over more...