Tail Jokes

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. While his father was gone buying popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that at the other end."
"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
"No, Mom. Down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
While she was gone the boy repeated his questions.
"That's the elephant's trunk, son," he replied.
"Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end, down underneath the elephant's tail."
The father took a good look, "Oh. That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man took a deep breath and more...

A Second OpinionA man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming forhelp. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has himput his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines thestill, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that hisdog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and notwilling to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and putsthe cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body andfinally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man andsays, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinksyour dog is dead too."The man, more...

Mike Mooney A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig.
The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".
Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way".
The farmer laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man".
The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs about 100 pounds".
The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's more...

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon."Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?""Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips." "And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked. "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor. The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s. As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."