Milking Jokes / Recent Jokes
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk? ”
The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain. ”
“So what happened that’s so horrible? ” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
“Well, ” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket. ”
“Okay, ” said the man, “but that’s not so bad. ”
“Some things you just can’t explain, ” the farmer replied.
“So what happened then? ” the man asked.
The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. ”
“And then? ”
“Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. ”
The man laughed and said, more...
A farmer was called to serve on jury duty. During the questioning of prospective jurers the prosecuting attorney asked the farmer if he could convict someone on circumstantial evidence.
The farmer responded, "No way in hell could I do that!!"
The attornery asked why he was so adamant in his answer. He replied that he once had a very bad experience with circumstantial evidence. The attorney asked him to explain.
"Well sir," the farmer began, "I was out in the barn milking ole' Bessie one hot day and as I was milking her she kicked over the milk pail with her right front foot. The milk soaked my overalls and underwear, so I took them off, rinsed them out in the water trough and hung them out to dry.
"Then, I got a piece of rope and tied her right foot to the floor. I sat back down and starting milking again and the silly cow kicked over the pail with her left front foot. So I tied that one down to the floor as well. She then proceeded to more...
NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fangless, with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and subspecies.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible death.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED
TORNIQUET: Do not apply a more...
A farmer was getting drunk in the local bar when a man came in
and asked: "Hey, why on this beautiful day are you sitting here
getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just
can't explain."
"So, what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "today while milking my cow she lifted
her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on
the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got
the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the
bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer more...
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. So the farmer says "Oh, shoot! It went in one ear and out the udder"...
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"What happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"Well what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, then I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the more...
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic! Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis, and his discomfort was quickly building.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastically, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder? I... I mean the cow seems to be in a lot of pain."
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "the machine was more...