Mine Jokes / Recent Jokes
"You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower." "Really? Which rat was he?"
The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said,' 'Dust!''
In the beginning, God created Earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers to separate us.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman and said,
''I haven't eaten anything in four days.''
She looked at him and said,
''I wish I had your willpower.''
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
A man inserted an ad in the classified:' 'Wife wanted.''
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:' 'You can have mine.''
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly):' 'My wife's an more...
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
Santa And Banta Decide To Apply For Jobs At A Mine That Had Opened Nearby. After Sitting In The Waiting Room For A While, Banta Gets Called In For His Interview. The Boss Asks Banta If He Had Worked Underground Mines Before? Banta Says That He Had. The Boss Asks Him How Deep Under Ground He Worked? Banta Says, “Oh, About 8 To 10 Feet. ”The Boss Says, “Mines Are A Lot Deeper Than That, Get Out Of Here - You’re No Miner! ”On His Way Out, Banta Tells Santa To Tell The Boss That He Worked Real Deep Underground So He Could Get The Job. Santa Gets Called In. The Boss Asks Santa If He Had Worked Underground Mines Before? Santa Says, “Oh Sure. ”The Boss Asks How Deep Underground He Worked. Santa Says, “I Used To Work In A Mine 20, 000 Feet Underground. “The Boss Says, “20, 000 Feet, Wow! That Is Incredible!, “What Kind Of Lights Did You Use In A Mine So Deep Underground? “Santa Says, “Oh, I Didn’t Need A Light, I Worked On The Day Shift! ”
Women's Snappy Comebacks: Man: ="Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: ="Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: = "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: = "So, wanna go back to my place? " Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: = "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: = "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: = "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: = "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: = "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking." Man: = "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" more...
A few suggestions for corporate mergers: - PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Keebler, to be called Poly-Warner-Cracker
- Yahoo and Netscape-to be called Net'nYahoo
- 3M and Good year, to be called MMM-Good
- Knotts Berry Farm and National Organization for Women-to be called Knott NOW
- Federal Express and UPS, to be called FED UP
- Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs.
- Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild.
- John Deere & Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi
- Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home
- Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining: Mine, All Mine
- 3M, J.C. Penney, Metropolitan Opera Company: 3 Penney Opera
- Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants: Poupon Pants
- Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining: Zip Audi Do-Da
- Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay more...
A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-linedating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck andhe said hed quit -- seems theyd matched him up with his wife.