Minute Jokes / Recent Jokes

The rules at a particular university were such that if the professor were not present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered a "walk" and the students were free to leave - with no penalties for missing a class.The rooms were equipped with the type wall clocks that "jumped" ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. As it were, these clocks were also not of the most sophisticated construction. Some enterprising student discovered that if one were to hit the clock with chalkboard erasers, it would cause the clock to "jump" ahead 1 minute.It became almost daily practice for these students to take target practice at the clock (as it would have it, this particular professor was not the most punctual, and the students considered him severely "absent-minded"). A few well aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself.Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor more...

A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blond men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos. ”
The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you? ” The man said, “I’ll go check, ” and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours. ” “Alright. How long do you need them? ” The customer paused for a minute and said, “Uh… I’d better go check. ”
After awhile, the blond returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.

An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"
Michael Jordan will make over $300, 000 a game: $10, 000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.
Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178, 100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7. 00, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike).
He'll make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice more...

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out.
The genie says, "For releasing me I shall grant you one wish!"
The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I'm scared of flying and tend to get seasick."
The genie replies, "My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I'm sorry, but it just can't be done. Please choose another wish!"
The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want to be able to understand women."
The genie pauses for a moment and says -
"So, this bridge you want...two lanes or four?"

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out.The genie says, "For releasing me I shall grant you one wish!"The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I'm scared of flying and tend to get seasick."The genie replies, "My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I'm sorry, but it just can't be done. Please choose another wish!"The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want to be able to understand women."The genie pauses for a moment and says -"So, this bridge you want...two lanes or four?"

There is an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Ukranian and the are in their final stages of training for the FBI. The agents explained to them their final test." We have each one of your wives contained in separate cells and what you guys have to do in order to complete your FBI training is you have to prove your loyalty. You must grab that gun and go into your wifes cell and kill her." The englishman grabbed the gun. "Man I hate that bitch. She is going to get it good." He walked off into the cell and was in there for about a minute. There was just silence. He came out crying, "We've been maried too long. I just cant do it." So he was booted out. The frenchman grabbed the gun. "If I must, I must." He went into his wifes cell for about a minute and there was silence. He came walking out crying, "I love her too much. I just can't do it." So he was booted out. So the ukranian grabbed the gun and stormed into his wifes cell. "That more...

There once was a man named Joe and he was talking to God and he asked, ''How much is a penny worth in heaven?'' God replied, ''One million dollars.'' Then Joe asked, ''How long is a minute in heaven?'' God said, ''One million years.'' So Joe asked for a penny and God said, ''Sure, just wait a minute.''