Moment Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine." By this time Mr. more...

The President of Harvard made a mistake by prejudging people and it cost him dearly.

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.

She frowned. "We want to see the president", the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," The secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do.

"Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they'll leave," she told him. And he more...

On the night before Christmas, alone in my house,
My computer went down with the click of the mouse

I sat and I waited and sighed with dispair,
I wiggled and pouted, alone in my chair
The AO-Hell people were all snug in their beds,
While Christmas bonus pay checks danced in their heads.

Then out on the roof I heard such a clatter,
I arose from my chair to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear.
But Santa himself and an Elf standing near

The Elf's Aol knowledge glowed, with experience so rare,
He rebooted my system with finesse and a flair.

More rapid than eagles my programs they came,
As he cursed and he muttered and called them by name.
On Start Up! On quicken! On explorer and delete!
On chatting! On Yahoo! On e-mail and complete!

His eyes were glassed over, his fingers nibble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of HIS more...

One morning a man returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any more...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what the matter
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimeny apart,
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"

Bill, Al, and Hillary all die in a plane crash. Upon reaching Heaven, they are escorted as important personages directly to see God. God looks at Bill and asks, "Bill, you've sinned a great deal. Why should I allow you to enter into Heaven?"
"Well, gee, God," replies Bill, "I'm the Pres-ee-dent of the United States. I've been trying to help people - you know give them universal health care and protect them from those mean-spirited Republicans who want to starve their children and throw sick old people out into the street."
God considers this a moment and says, "Oh, okay. Sit over here on my left." He turns to Al. "Al, why should I let you into Heaven?"
"Well, Lord, I'm the Vice President of the United States. I've tried to protect the environment from abuse by those mean-spirited Republicans and even wrote a very important book about it."
God thinks a moment and says, "All right. Sit over here on my more...

I HAD A BAD DAY It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12: 01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died." "No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going more...