Moment Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young, virile Italian man was relaxing at a bar, when he managed to attract the attention of a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they made love.
A few moments later, he asked with a smile, "So... you finish?"
She paused for a moment, frowned, and replied, "No."
Somewhat surprised, he reached for her and the lovemaking resumed. This time, she thrashed around wildly, letting out frequent screams of passion. When the lovemaking ended, the young man smiled and again asked, "You finish?"
Once more she paused for a moment, smiled, and cuddling closer to him, said, "No."
Now stunned, but determined that she was not going to outlast him, he reached for her again. Using his last bit of strength, they climaxed simultaneously, screaming, bucking and clawing at the bedsheets.
Exhausted and gasping, the young man fell onto his back. more...
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn`t need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I`m blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
A partner, an associate, and a paralegal from a major law firm are at having a lunch meeting in a conference room when the paralegal notices someone left an ancient-looking lamp on the floor. She rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.
"Masters," the genie, "I will grant each of you one wish." The paralegal speaks up immediately. "I want to be to be on a Greek Island, basking in the sun, with a gorgeous man giving me a massage." The next moment she disappears.
Seeing that the paralegal got her wish, the associate decides to go for it. "I want to be on the most beautiful beach in Thailand." Another moment, and the associate disappears as well.
The genie turns to the partner. "Well...?"
"I don't care where you sent those two," the partner finally says. "But I want both of them back here right after lunch."
An old lady is very upset as her husband, Colin, had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying.
One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment.
Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Colin was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally they always put the bodies in black, but he’d see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Colin before his funeral the following day.
When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Colin is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit? ”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a more...
The story of the Bible (possibly offensive to Christians)Date: 3rd May 0023
TO:
Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
Judea.
Dear Sirs,
It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the highest authority.
However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
That the title of the book be' The Holy Bible' and not as you propose,' Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests paternity. He suggest you utilise the' virgin birth' scenario. Mr. Christ realises more...
It was getting a little crowded in heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 12:01, the first person comes to the gates of heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the man,
'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.'
'No problem,' the man says. 'I came home to my 25th floor apartment in my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked and appearing to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give
up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
'Well, I ran out onto the more...