Money Jokes / Recent Jokes

A father takes his deaf mute son to the Godfather.....

Father: Godfather my boy is a good boy but he can't get a job because he's a deaf mute.

Godfather: I will give him a job as a bag man. He will pick up the money from my bookies and bring it back here. he doesn't have to talk to anybody. Two weeks go by and the Father is grabbed off the street brought to the

Godfathers office. His Son is sitting in a chair all beat up.

Godfather: $50,000.00 is missing, ask your Son where it is. The Father: turns to the boy and in sign language says...."What did you do? Where is the money? they are going to kill you!

Son: (in sign language) I don't know anything about the money

Father: Godfather my Son is a good boy. He says he didn't steal any money

Godfather: Pulls a gun from his drawer and lays it on the desk and says..."ask him again" The Father: (in sign language) This guy is serious, he's going to kill more...

One day 3 guys were exploring the edge of a waterfall from one side. They were walking along and then one of them finds a dirty bottle. He rubs it and out pops a Genie! The Genie then says, "You may each jump off this waterfall cliff, name any object, and you will land in it!" So the first guy runs off and says "Money!" and he lands in a huge pile of money. The next guy runs off and yells "Gems!" and he lands in a huge pile of gems (he was later rushed to the hospital.) The last guy is running toward the edge, when he trips over a rock and falls off anyway, when he yells, "AWW, CRAP!"

A tax preparer was helping some customers.
The first guy comes in and the tax man asks him, "How much money did you make last year?"
The guy answers, "Oh, about $100,000"
"Gee, that's good! what do you do"
"I'm a lawyer for a big corporation, etc"
So the tax man finishes up with him and the next guy comes in.
"How much money did you make last year?"
"I made $150,000 dollars"
"Oh really? What do you do?"
"Well, I'm the head doctor at this big hospital..."
And so the taxman finishes with him.
The third guy comes in and the taxman asks him,"How much money did you make last year?"
The guy answers, "Well, last year was a pretty good year, I made about $9,000"
The tax man asks him, "Oh, really? What instrument do you play?"

AT&T fired PresidentJohn Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". Hereceived a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lackingintelligence... With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police inOakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricadedhimself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that theman was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....And What Was Plan B? An Illinois man pretending to havea gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated tellermachines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts... And These Nitwits Are TeachingOur Children?!! A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspensionunder his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoefferallegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump more...

A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter.
He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the donkey laugh, he could have that jar of money.
So the guy walks in the back and a few minutes he comes out with the donkey laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out.
The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sitting on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the donkey cry, he could have that jar of money.
So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the donkey crying huge tears.
As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the donkey laugh and cry.
The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger pecker then he did, and the second time I proved it.

It all makes sense now...Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates:Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time.Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work / Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work / Money.Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Full page ad brought back from a recent trip, taken from the British
paper The Times (Feb 4 1989).
A full page picture of Ollie North is featured, with his right arm
raised, as if swearing before a court. The subtitle is:
"With a few notable exceptions, no one can transfer money
round the world more efficiently than us."
The ad continues:
We think it's time to come clean. Girobank has been
transferring large sums of money half-way round the world
for years.
It's hardly a risky business. Our centralised
international division, with its unique links to the
entire overseas Giro network, allows business to be
conducted at maximum speed and with the minimum of
bureaucracy.
And even if your transaction should prove difficult
(as it might in Nicaragua for example) we can provide
documentary collections, letters of credit, bonds and
guarantees.
...
All in all, Girobank adds up to less hassle and more...