Morris Jokes / Recent Jokes

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring." Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try' playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving." Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?" "That's easy... just keep her in the waiting room for 59 minutes!"

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey. ... Is dat you? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car.
Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind' em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris. .."Try doing your work with the engine running."

Yentl, a good woman, knew her son was having an affair with a ditzy shikse who was his roommate, but her son, Morris, refused to confess. She devised a plan. A week later, she got a letter from Morris:
Dear Mama,
I am not sleeping with that WASP and I know you stole the ladle. Where is it?
Love,
Morris
She wrote back:
Dear Morris,
If that shikse was sleeping where she was supposed to, she would have found it already.
Love,
Your Mama

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost..... I was just too tired to walk home."

There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job, a Japanese, a Chinese, and Morris. So he interviewed all three. The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed. The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Chinese opened a small pearl box and out flew a smaller fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in four pieces. The emperor was very impressed. Then the emperor asked Morris to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. Morris opened a small gold box and out flew a wasp. Whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whooooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh went more...

Yeshiva University decides to field a rowing team. But they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours every day, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.
Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, their Captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team.
So Morris schleps off to Cambridge and hides in the bushes of the Charles River, from where he carefully watches the Harvard team at their daily practice.
After two weeks, Morris finally returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces.
"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates all want to know.
"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row."

Morris walks into Dr. Cohen's office and puts a note on the table in front of the doctor. The note reads, "I can't talk. Please help me!"
The doctor thinks for a while and says to Morris, "Put your penis on the table here."
Morris thinks this is a bit weird, but Cohen is a specialist, so he does as the doctor says.
The doctor takes a rubber mallet and hits Morris's penis as hard as he can.
The man cries in great agony, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
The doctor says, "Good. Come again tomorrow, and we'll learn B!"