Motel Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day grandpa says to grandma "Why don't we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?"
So they get to the motel and go into the room.
Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up. In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed. She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it's been awhile ). Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard.
Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way. "My God woman" he says "you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!"
( This joke has been told by many deaf people and has been recorded in
a few books on deaf culture. The interpretation of this joke is mine,
though. )
A deaf couple checks into a motel very late at night. Upon moving into
their assigned room, they go to bed. But in the middle of the night, the
woman has a headache, so she goes into the bathroom for aspirin. But she
finds none, and remembers that the bottle of aspirin is still in the car.
Afraid to go out alone at night, she awakens her husband and asks him to
go get the aspirin from the car. The very groggy husband puts on his robe
and toddles wearily outside. He finds the bottle of the aspirin in the car's
glove compartment, and gets ready to go back to the room when he realizes
something: he can't remember which room was his!
He thinks and thinks and then gets an idea. He opens the car again and
honks the steering wheel horn several times. Within a minute, all more...
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in his town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.
PRIEST: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
SISTER: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet. Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket. Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one more...
Recently a man in New York received a six-month prison sentence for posing as a gynecologist and conducting phony exams in motel rooms. This is a frightening example of how hard it can be for women to find a reliable motel gynecologist.
Here are the four warning signs of gynecology fraud:
1. Doctor uses incorrect or strange terminology such as "clam" or "envelope."
2. Doctor conducts the exam using a shoe-horn and Twizzler.
3. Doctor has teardrop and/or spiderweb tattoo on elbow.
4. Doctor is William "The Refrigerator" Perry. Though William Perry once worked as an emergency field gynecologist during his time as a member of G.I. Joe, he is not licensed to operate a civilian practice. Don't believe his lies!
Phone won't stop ringing?
Here's what you do -
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem, but unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.
At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No more...
Top Signs You're At A Bad Motel The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it. There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you. The Only TV station you can get is a porno channel with roseanne on it. The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter.
It was late one night and three guys just got done partying. So they needed to find a motel. So they find a super8 motel. They go in to the clerk and get one room because that was all that they could afford. They get to there room and there is only one bed so quickly one guy says, "I get the bed." Then another guy says, "I get the bathroom." Then the last guy says, "I guess I get the closet." During the middle of the night the guy in the bed has to take a big ol shit. But he remembers the guy in the bathroom so he does his busness in the pillow case and throws it in the closet. In the morning he gets up and checks on the guy in the bathroom. They both had a great night sleep. So they go and see their friend in the closet. When they asked how his night was he said, "It was pretty good up until a white ghost jumped in and I kicked the shit out of it.