Mountain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell
Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
Real programmers don't write application programs. They program right down to the bare
metal.
Application programs are for dullards who can't do system programming.
Real programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.
They are lucky to get any program at all.
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
understand and even harder to modify.
Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
novice and the coward.
Real programmers don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers.
Real programmers don't use more...

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and
tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West. (This was in the
days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West
means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at
the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up
fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he
(Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you
ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save
what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of
town as fast as you can."
Fred was pretty perplexed more...

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon: a Patriots fan, a Falcons fan, an Eagles fan, and a Steelers fan. They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die-hard" fan.
Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Patriots fan proclaimed to the other three... "This is for the New England Patriots!" and promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice.
Not to be outdone by a Patriots fan, the Falcons fan jumped up and said... "This is for the Atlanta Falcons!" and then threw himself off the mountain, again as a form of sacrifice.
Refusing to be outdone by the Patriots and Falcons fans, the Steelers fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs, "This is for the Pittsburgh Steelers!" and without hesitation, pushed the Philadelphia Eagles fan off the mountain.

A father and son went grocery shopping, and down practically every aisle, the kid wanted something.
"Dad, can I get some Lucky Charms?"
"Sure, if you can touch your dick to your ass."
"I can't"
"Then I guess you don't get any Lucky Charms."
Later on
"Dad, can I get some Mountain Dew?"
"Can you touch your dick to your ass?"
"No"
"Then no Mountain Dew"
At the checkout, the dad feeling really sorry for his son, bought his son a lottery ticket.
They walked out to the car and the kid immediately scratched off the ticket, and screamed.
"Dad, I won, I won ten thousand dollars."
"Great, son, are you going to give some of the money to your mother and me?"
"I don't know, can you touch your dick to your ass?"
"Yes, I can son, I'm older"
"Good; go fuck yourself."

You might be from the Northwest if you:
Feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

Use the expression "sun break" and know what it means.

Know more than 10 ways to order coffee (and know different parts of town by the espresso joints).

Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.

Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.

Complain about Californians, as you sell one your house for twice its value.

Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, and Veneto's.

Know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette.

Consider swimming an indoor more...

Bible scholars have long wondered how old Isaac was when his father
Abraham took him up to the mountain top to offer him as a sacrifice.
Through careful study of the story as related in the Old Testament,
based on the following facts:
Issac was old enough to understand the ritual of sacrifice,
Issac was old enough to carry wood for the fire to the top of the
mountain,
Issac was old enough to notice that they were not bringing an animal
for the sacrifice.
Therefore Issac's age, at this time, was greater than 8 years old.
Scholars also conclude that he was younger than 12 years old as
supported by the following fact:
If Issac had been older than twelve, he would have been a
teenager and it would not have been a sacrifice.

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Boilermaker hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Purdue!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Wildcat threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Northwestern!" Seeing this, the Buckeye walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!!!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.