Mower Jokes

What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed.

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.' 'How much do you want for the mower?'' asked the preacher.' 'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle'', said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked,' 'Will you take my bike in trade for it?'' The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and after riding the bike around a little while said,' 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'' The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said,' 'I can't get this mower to start.''

The little boy said,' 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.''

The preacher said,' 'I am a minister, and I cannot cuss. It has been so long since I have been saved that I do not even remember how to cuss.''

The more...

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
1. Lawn mowers sound better in small ensemles.
2. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
3. The grip.

Just so everyone has a better understanding, I believe that, in general, women are saner than men. For example: If you see people who have paid good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December day wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint, those people will be male.

Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number of deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads.

Also, if women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be no war. I sincerely believe this - virtually no military conflicts, and if there were a military conflict, everyone involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side).

So, I sincerely believe that more...

A new sales assistant was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.

Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
Customer: I guess so. I'll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer: Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer: I'll take one of those too.

After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?" he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for."

Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled more...