Mph Jokes / Recent Jokes

A day from the diary of a BMW driver...

"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him more...

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500, 000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a Moped (about 75 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, " What kind of car ya'got there, sonny?".
The young man replies, " A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"
" That's a lot of money," says the old man. " Why does it cost so much?"
" Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, " Mind if I take a look inside?"
" No problem," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped! more...

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH.
He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed the
chicken had three legs.
So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer "What's up with these chickens?"
The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted.
The farmer said "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you more...

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man's face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.
''What do you want?'' he asked.
''Do you have any tobacco?'' asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.
''Go faster!'' said the passenger.' 'I don't want to see him again!'' So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.
''Do you have a light?'' said the old man's face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.
''Drive faster!'' said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns.' 'What do you want from more...