Mph Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not
mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it
snows.

2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a
12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of
their way. This is what they live for.

3. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in
the same store.

4. Remember: "Ya'll" is singular. "All y'all" is
plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

5. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a
55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road,
remember, a lot of folks learned to drive on a
vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper
speed and lane position for that vehicle.

6. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the
humidity". And the more...

Bob, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding. Wouldn't you know it, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 35?"
"SIXTY-SEVEN mph, son!" 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer" replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, in his normal sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good close look at Bob, in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never more...

A guy was driving his car at the speed of 80 mph when he saw the flashing red and blue lights. Thinking that the cop might not be able to catch him, he accelerated to 110 mph. He finally came to some sense and pulled over to the side. The cop stepped out, took his license and examined it without a word. He looked at the driver and said, "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like doing anymore paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"The driver blinked only once while his brain scramble for a reply. "Last week my wife ran off with a cop, " he said, " and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!""Off you go," said the officer.

1. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of
their way. This is what they live for.

3. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

4. Remember: "Ya'll" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

5. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, a lot of folks learned to drive on a vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

6. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll more...

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks' If I drive 100 mph, will you take off your clothes?' and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flips over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend's clothes. All that is free of the car is the man's girlfriend and one of his shoes. The man yells,' You have to go get help. Go to that gas station over there.' His girlfriend says,' Are you kidding me? I'm naked.'' Well,' replies the man' Take my shoe over there, cover up yourself, and go get help.' So the woman covers herself with the shoe and goes to the gas station. She says to an attendant' You have to help me. My boyfriend's trapped'' I'm sorry ma'am' the attendant replies,' he's too far in.'

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"

The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"

The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"

The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"

The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man drivingthat he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone."I was only going 40!" the driver protested."Not according to my radar," the trooper said."Yes, I was!" the man shouted back."No you werent!" the trooper said. With that, the mans wife leaned toward the window and said, Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband whenhes been drinking."