Mumbai Jokes

This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no more...

Once A Sardarji Went To The City Of Mumbai For The First Time To Meet His Father. His Father Had Asked Him To Keep Walking In The Direction Of The Sunrise Until He Eventually Reached Hishouse. Since, The Sardarji Was New To The City He Decided To Ask A Passerby The Direction In Which The Sun Rose In Mumbai - East, West, North Or South? The Passerby Who Was Also A Sardarji Thought For Some Time And Then Said, "Main Bhi Is Sheher Mein Naya Aaya Hoon!"

An esteemed professor of Mumbai University who had stayed with a family and wanted to thank his hostess for her hospitality said: Thank you very much for all your hostility.'
The same professor, giving a farewell talk to a batch of students going abroad, advised them:' Do in Rome as Romeos do.'
From Mumbai again comes this malapropism. A gentleman wiping the perspiration off his brow remarked:' In Mumbai it is prostitution and more prostitution'.

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,
'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts,' I'll take care of this.'
She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man,' You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.' Okay', he says,' It's all set. They're both coming more...

For long, India's colonial rulers divided the country's population by the numbers. And as current-day politicians continue with that unholy task, we present a shortcut to make their work easier. Here's distinguishing India's different cultures by the numbers:

MALAYALEES

One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
Two Malayalees is a boat race.
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
Four Malayalees is an oilslick.

TAMILIANS
One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad.
Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.

ANDHRAITES
One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry.

BENGALIS
One Bengali is a rosagulla shop.
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
Three Bengalis is a Mohun more...